My teen romantic comedy was even more wrong than I expected
by Loner-kun
Summary: Hachiman wakes up in a whole new life. Body-swap fic


… _ **Hey…  
It's been awhile huh? I've been gone for quite a long time so I think you guys deserve an explanation. Put simply, my hard-drive which contains the folder where I keep fanfiction got corrupted. Tigress and the Mouse chapter 3 and the general ideas for chapter 4 was nearly done at that time so losing it just made me lose motivation to continue entirely. Apologies to those who waited for so long with no update in sight. For right now though, it is an opportunity to revise the Tigress fic and improve it from chapter 3 onwards. If there was something I cringed at, it's some chapters in the Saki fic and of cooking and dogs fic's where it seems like I pull plot development out my ass and try to insert really bad drama at times. Unfortunately, have college to do though Christmas holidays are coming real soon so that's plenty of time to indulge myself in writing fanfics.**_

 **Anyway, you didn't come here for a sob story. For now have a surprise fic with a twist and a grown-up Rumi fic sometime later. Forgive me if the writing is clumsy, I'm pretty rusty.**

 **Hikigaya - POV**

I woke up in a hazy glaze, the alarm a painful consistent jingle and the world a head-ache, inducing colourful blend. Warm and cosy under the covers, I felt lighter than usual, not to mention less tired out then all the previous nights. Did I really go to bed early last night? That's strange, I remember binge-watching fantastical fantasies about the wonders of economics and wolf-girls.

In addition, the feminine colour of this room being adorned in pink was in no way similar to that of mine or even Komachi's rooms. Mine was too bland to leave an impression and Komachi's was more messy then girly.

That's right, I'm waking up in someone else's room. That makes the most sense.

WAIT, SOMEONE ELSE'S ROOM?! Where am I?!

Going into alert phase, my vocal chords decide to react in conjunction. "Gaah!"

Instead of my own voice however, I only heard a girl let out a surprised gasp somewhere close to me. Perhaps amidst the chaos of the pink sheets and pillows. Instead, I came face to face with nothing at all. My sanity meter plummeting to an all-time low, far past the chuuni-stage of pretending to hear voices to actually hearing voices.

I didn't know which one was more terrifying.

Entering the caution phase, I sat out from the bed in the unfamiliar room in my familiar body with the pink pyjamas clinging loosely to my form.

 _Eh, wait? P-p-pink p-pyjamas?! Had Komachi dressed me up? If so, is my purity still intact? Baah! No, she wouldn't do anything like this!_

I came to the epiphany that I was currently in dreamland. Soon, a series of unfortunate events would occur and I'll wake up truly tired and mentally exhausted. But if that was the case then it was quite authentic! My chest even felt heavier than usual…

It only took a glance to solve that particular mystery.

 _I…I have…B-b-boobies… W-what on earth?!_

Too afraid to even comprehend the thought of groping myself to see if they were bona-fide parts of the female anatomy, my biggest worry comes to mind. My legs were unexpectedly smooth and curvy, almost luxurious in sight. Cleansing myself of my second skin, the pyjamas made a light thud on the white cat-eared carpet and upon inspection, I came to a shocking discovery.

 _Where is it? Where has it gone?!_

"W-where's my willy!"

 **? - POV**

"I have a P-p-penis!"

What the hell?! This is seriously messed up! Whoever did this is going to pay dearly! I'm going to throw up at the thought of someone else being in MY body! On top of waking up in a depressive, bland room in someone else's bed in someone else's body, there was someone out there violating myself!

Whoever it was, I vow to find him and kill him though not before making him answer for what they've done and by looking at myself in the mirror, I have a pretty good idea of whose responsible and he's right in front of me in the mirror. The creep is going to pay with his life.

The door to this sorry state of a room was forced open by a young energetic girl, still developing in the areas I wish I still had and she then paused in confusion.

"Onii-chan, you're up?"

H-heh?! Oh, right… Ahh, no good. I'm frankly at a loss so I just shrug my shoulders admittedly confused at this ordeal.

Her response wasn't anything I'd consider an improvement. Instead, I only became more worried.  
"Hmm, well no matter. What's more disturbing is your eyes. They're an improvement! Did you have a good dream about something?"

I stammer. "Yeah…I guess I did." My voice came out rough and deep sounding alien juxtaposed to who I used to be at this point. Or who I still am. Now I'm pissed off thinking about it.

"Hmm, how strange… Your attractiveness level has levelled up by 5 points! Ahh, I can feel my own Komachi points levelling up by a hundred! No! A thousand! Now you can go to school knowing your sister's love will never leave even if your eyes go back to the way they were as per usual."  
N-no way, don't tell I'm in the body of a…a sis-con!

 **Hikigaya POV**

Coming to terms with my loss of an important every day appendage, I find my way to the bathroom mirror to come face-to-face with myself. I instantly recognise the person I see. It was definitely a person I see nearly every day in the confines of the school. However, there was one feature unrecognizable and clearly unbefitting that of a beauty. Even while changing forms, I could not shake the eyes I possessed from my previous incarnation in this world. The eyes of a corpse looked back at me from the mirror, a signature feature of mine kept over from the old days.

Even with this change, I was still me. I was still Hachiman Hikigaya. The person that I was in however was definitely not Hachiman Hikigaya. What everyone else would see is not the rugged handsome guy that occupied space but instead this beauty of a girl the boy was _inside_ in a manner of speaking.

And that meant that the empty space that is the body of myself was in the hospital? If so, I needed to fix this. To transfer my soul back into his body and let this girl have her own body back for keeps. Besides, waking up by my lonesome without my little sister in sight is a life not worth living.

 _But that does mean I can pursue the Saika route now…_

Woah, that's dangerous thinking. Out of respect for this body of hers, I will keep its purity and chastity intact! Even with my chest feeling heavy as it is in addition to my heavy heart, I'll be faithful for as long as need be! However, asking my club-mates would be no good for help. From their perspective, all they would see is a chuuni-girl and all they would do is call the police to admit me to a psychiatric ward.

For now, I'll have to make it through the day and then visit the Hikigaya household or rather, my own house to find out what happened to my previous body. The specifics, I'll iron out as my day progresses. It was the only choice I had.

For now though, my attire needs improvement. Looking through her drawers for the pure purpose of making myself decent in public, I stumble across a wide variety of bras and panties including the same pink ones I seen her wear that long-time ago when she fell backwards.

 _I hit the gold-mine!_

Hitting the Jackpot, my blood started to rush accordingly. Reddening my cheeks but for some reason, not impacting my most private of places. Ahh right, I am a girl now after all…

Whatever! Boy or girl, I am a domesticated spirit with no interests in such things! I had no choice but to look anyway so this was unavoidable hence why I'm not to blame!

With my moral compass sorted out, a bigger problem came into view.

 _How do you put on a bra anyhow?_

 **? POV**

The day so far has been a total disaster and it was just the start! Not only am I in this disgusting body, not only is his selection of clothes trash but his hair just won't stay down. I want myself back now! I want to wake up but no matter how hard I pinch, I can't escape this nightmare.

I need to think optimistically. The lightness of my chest now meant my back wouldn't ache so much anymore but now I have this _thing down there…  
_ All things considered, it looks like he can actually turn out to be handsome given the proper care and attention. His face was not bad looking at all but something about it looked off. Missing a feature that repelled people single-handedly.

Whatever it was, it was an improvement he can thank himself or me for later if I even decide to show mercy after what I'll do to him. For now though, I'll have to find my way to Sobu myself.

 **Hikigaya POV**

After having done the essential hygiene and uniform checks, I deemed this woman acceptable for rehabilitation with yours truly at the helm. Fortunately enough, I knew exactly where I was! Knowing Chiba like the back of my hand was convenient in cases like this! It was always great to plan ahead but to see she lived in this sort of estate? In any case, that will soon be irrelevant. Making sure my uniform was on properly, especially the skirt; I walk onwards to where all the social butterflies thrive.

Along the way, I figure that I'm too shocked by the situation to really panic over it or let it sink in. It's been too long since I felt hopeful for anything but now, I was hopeful out of desperation. If the worst case scenario came to pass, will I be able to change back?

For now, I made the grave mistake of thinking positively out of pathetic desperation. There was always the case this was out of my control, that things could never go back to how they were. The moment I woke up, everything has been stolen from me. As its rightful owner, I'll take it all back with my now-long sharp nails if need be. With hands in pockets, I slouch and continue on route to my destination.

Along the way, whatever few school students that were in my way reacted the same way as before. They moved the hell out of my way, the difference in it being out of fear instead of disgust. Hehehe, that's right. Fear me! Heheheh!

 _Wait a minute! Don't succumb to the dark side! Her social life is in your hands!_ The metaphorical angel Hikigaya on my shoulder said.

 _Haah? Do you want to die?_ The metaphorical devil on my other shoulder said. Its speech pattern and voice eerily familiar…

And with that threat of death in mind, I increase my walking speed. Stealth Hikki didn't work and It seems I lost my 108 loner skills making me into a useless party member.

I eventually made it to the open area of the entrance to Sobu. Given how early I was, no many classmates were here. Clutching the hems of my skirt, I fruitlessly tried to stop the shaking of my hands.

 _Just one day…_

 _One day to act as a chameleon in this body and I'll be set to fix this, hopefully…_

I made my way to the classroom and progressed to my seat. WAIT!  
My seat? No, that seat isn't mine anymore. Unfortunately, the privilege of romancing Totsuka was rejected out of common good-will. I will pursue that route not as a Trojan horse using this body but being my real self. Instead of the seat by the wall, I'll have to sit in my new place which is this girl's now old place. At the back of the class, where all the loud girls and even louder boys were.

 _Urghhhhhh, how dreadful… Was this my punishment from the gods?_

I remained sat down in my seat and just like before, everyone else in the class avoided me looking downright afraid.

"Ohh! You're pretty early Yumiko!" _As if Loki heard me, she sweetened the deal right on schedule._

The voice belonged to Hina Ebina with surprise etched on her face. For the first time in a long time, I made up a lie. Forcing out a laugh, I raise my small, feminine hand to the back of my head stroking the long stream of golden hair.

"Ahahaha, you're right. Early to bed, early to rise! Hahah…" In response, she narrowed her eyes as if looking into the depths of my soul. Her girl intuition no doubt telling her I'm an imposter and I berate myself for even trying.

"You do look pretty tired though Yumiko-san. Rough morning?" _Oh, you have no idea…_

"You could say that."

"Yeah, I bet it was. Your hair is a real mess, you know that? Did you even comb it?" She asked inquisitively. Her fingers freely waving through my (well, hers) blonde locks sorting out the stray ends. I already took so long dressing that I forgot to take care of the hair! Albeit at this length, it would've taken too long anyway so it can't be helped.

"No, I was pretty busy with things…"

"Really?" She replied.

"Yes, really." I said simply. All this poking and prodding was causing me undue stress on top of this _sex change_ so please, will you stop?

"Is something bothering you Yumiko? This isn't like you." She was onto me. Though the truth was unbelievable anyway. For better or for worse, it was either a lie or an impossible truth. Nothing made sense anymore and I can lie to myself with no trouble. I was the worst at lying to others though. I think of my next words carefully to lie vaguely.

"Well, it's just some personal issues on my end. I promise I'll let you know later on ok? Just not right now."

I'll let the real Yumiko Miura take over from that point on.

As if hearing that laughable excuse himself, a bleached blonde guy walked in catching the eyes of the others in the class along with the three musketeers behind him. Tobe, Yamoko and baka-san came following suit. Ebina glanced at us both and then nodded, her eyes gently closed behind her glasses.

"Ahh I see."

Huh? What are you nodding about? Now you're being vaguer then I was. Make sense for once!

"Hey there Ebina-san and Miura-san."

Ebina welcomed him warmly, putting my excuse to rest. "Yahallo Hayato-san."

He then looked at me expectantly, as if waiting for his comeback. I felt compelled to not even return the favour. Welcoming Hayama Hayato in my midst? Well, you can go to hell!

Instead of backing off like he should do, he instead gave me a look of almost heartfelt concern and approached me. Actually, more like invading my personal space. My cheeks reddened not by choice.

"Hey, are you alright Miura-san? You're not sick are you?" His rough, calloused hand was raised to my forehead and pressed against- against- m-me! No! I won't let you seduce me!

I wave my head left and right, my hair following suit undoing the work Ebina put into it. "No! I'm not sick! In fact, I never felt better! Now drop it, seriously!"

His surprised stare crumbled and he laughed light-heartedly. "Well, that's good then. If you say you're fine then you are."

D-damn straight. It'll be problematic if you make me fall for you. Totsuka will always be my first choice ok!

Eventually, the class started filling up with all the usual suspects and I was stuck to being an imposter. A fake. My level of disgust building up by the second and I had a whole day to roleplay like this until I sort my life out.

A close acquaintance of mine coming in didn't help matters.

"Yahallo everyone!" Peach coloured hair, stupid bun, the mother of all bouncy chests. I felt instinctively inferior to her comparing my own _assets_ to hers…

"Yahallo Yui-san." The strangest one in the group waved to her.

"Hey there Yuigahama-san." The most handsome of the group welcomed her.

"Yo, yo yo Gahama-san!" The most idiotic one in the group enthusiastically communicated.

The only one not in sync was myself, the blank board being a more, interesting less distracting view.

"Yumiko?" Like a kicked puppy, she whined questionably. I needed to wash away the guilt relatively quickly.

"Y-y-yo." Uttering that however, everyone around me stared. Was my cover blown? Am I really that transparent? I even chose the right undergarments to blend in…

"I mean, Ya-yahalloooo…"

Yui spoke up first, analysing my state with a worrying gaze. "Yumiko? You look a little…Rough."

Suddenly, the door slammed open. A person came in, one I hardly recognized yet knew all too well. Someone I saw everyday yet not at all. He was different now, carrying a different fiercer aura than ever before.

"Haaah?! Hey! You!"

I was face to face with Hachiman Hikigaya or at the very least, my body.

* * *

 **For those reading this, I highly encourage you to read "Shishunki Bitter Change" which is a huge source of inspiration for this fanfic. It's the same premise and concept but actually takes the subject really seriously with sprinkles of humor here and there.**


End file.
